Monday, June 29, 2009

If Only Bill Cosby Were Here...Or Maybe Not


Things I Never Thought I’d Say

You tried to flush it, you fish it out!

So, take turns biting your brother!

I guess you’ll just have to pee your pants! I’m not pulling over again!

Ruby! Run and get me a knife from the kitchen. Hurry! Run!

If you have to kill each other, could you please take it outside?

Why? Why would you paint your walls with poop?

You want to run away? Great! Hope you like Foster Care! They beat kids in Foster Care!

Sorry, you can’t have a drink of my soda. It’s full of alcohol, drugs, and prostitution so it’s only for mommies and daddies.


Things I Never Thought I’d Hear

Mom, what’s erectile dysfunction?

Mom! Why are you peeing blood? Are you going to die?

Someone come wipe my butt!

Why do you have hair growing there?

Why does Dad pee standing up?

You’ve got a lot of white hair. Are you a grandma now?

I think my boobs are growing in.

Mom, come help me! I’ve got juicy poo!

I like the skin under your arms, Mom. It’s soft and looks like wings.

You make one helluva casserole woman!

1 comment:

  1. My favorite things Charlotte has said:

    "My daddy is my mommy's butt pirate"
    "You did it." (When asked by her mother who had pooped in the middle of the living room)
    "Jesus? Oh, you mean your imaginary friend"
    "I don't have a God" (to the Jehovah's witnesses that were bothering her mother)
    "I have four more" (Charlotte's unnerving faze of knowing how many turds she had left to crap.

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